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Today I've not been good enough

In any aspect of who I am, I let my family down, I let countless work colleagues down, I hid from standing up to things I needed to face into. I was fearful and all I am doing is extending the fear even further - making myself unlikely to sleep all weekend, increasing the panic and the anxiety that changes the speed of the blood flowing round my body.

My work was not good enough, I didn't do work I said I would, I didn't have good ideas, I didn't support enough, I wasn't good enough. I feel not good enough.

I spend my week grasping for the weekend, to turn off the guilt and to see days of doing nothing stretching out ahead of me, and I spend the weekend too cold, too dark, punishing myself by not treating myself to a proper meal or heating, taking myself to bed because it's horrible to sit on my own in the pain I'm feeling. 

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