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I am limping and grasping through my days

I don't know if I can cope with my job.

It feels like it's just too much for me.

When I look back on all the times I've felt like this, it's always been my fault. Somehow I could have worked harder, or asked more questions or asked for help more or pushed through the fear and "got over it", "chosen it's not that bad".

But if I leave this job, will I ever feel strong enough to do anything else, won't every other job feel like a consolation prize to the job I should have been doing if I wasn't such a failure. I can't do this job and I'll ruin my life if I fail in this job.

This presentation is everything. It's all I've ... I can't go on writing about it, because it is all I've thought about for weeks, and I've spent hours working on it, and many many more hours not working on it and worrying that I'm not working on it. And worrying I'm not working on it when I should be working on it. and worrying that my worry is out of control. And on and on.

It would be a huge understatement to say
"It's getting uncomfortable" living like this.

So what would Brene Brown say?
“We have to be able to choose courage over comfort, we have to be able to say, ‘Look, I don’t know if I’m going to nail this but I’m going to try because I know what I’m sure as hell not going to do is stay quiet.’”

“You will never win this race, but maybe winning for you is getting off the block and getting wet.”

“Vulnerability is hard and it’s scary and it feels dangerous. But it’s not as hard, or scary or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves: What if I would’ve shown up? What if I would’ve said ‘I love you?’ What if I would’ve come off the blocks? Show up, be seen, answer the call to courage and come off the blocks. Because you’re worth it—you’re worth being brave.”


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